a Spinning Wheel Inn Wedding : Vicky + Ruthanne
Connecticut same-sex wedding – Gay wedding, The Spinning Wheel Inn – Redding, CT
Vicki and Ruthann’s wedding at The Spinning Wheel Inn was a wonderful day after some COVID related delays. They met in the Fall of 2009 and got engaged February of 2020. They had a wonderful (and small!) wedding this past Summer. I asked our incredible celebrant Mary Coburn if she would share some insights she learned from them when interviewing them for their ceremony…read on!!
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RUTHANNE’S ANSWERS…
Tell me again how & when you first met at Fordham.
The first time we met was during move in day freshman year. I remember stopped by my room to say hi and introduce herself since we were living on the same floor (the SILC floor-science integrated learning community). I remember I gave her a cookie I made. I was in the middle of unpacking so it was a quick introduction but I remember it clearly.
Tell me how your friendship and then your dating life unfolded.
We became friends freshman year by virtue of living on the same floor. I worked in the library and I would have late shifts that would get done around midnight. Vicky always had her door open when I got back from work and would always chat with me about anything including my awful boss at work.
Sophomore year we again lived down the hall from each other and this was the year we became best friends. Vicky had some bad roommates that year so ended up spending a lot of time in my room and that is how our friendship really grew. By the end of that year we were inseparable. I remember it was tough saying goodbye that summer and sort of caught me off guard at how sad I was.
When did you decide you wanted to spend your life together?
While we were in medical and optometry school, we went months at a time without seeing each other. Whenever we got the chance we would travel across the country to see each other. I was in school in Washington and Vicky was in Boston so literally the opposite ends of the county. These visits were everything to me and as soon as one was over, I was looking ahead to the next one. I think it was during this time when we knew we couldn’t live apart and began counting down the days until we could live in the same place again.
VICKY’S ANSWERS…
Tell me again how & when you first met at Fordham.
-Ruthanne and I lived on the same floor together at Fordham, I had moved into the dorms about a week early for a service program at Fordham, so I was already moved in when her official move-in day was. I remember meeting her and some of her family members on the first day as I was walking the halls as everyone was getting unpacked. We became good friends during our friendship year, but did not become really close friends until our sophomore year.
Tell me how your friendship and then your dating life unfolded.
Ruthanne and I’s friendship sort of developed slowly over the course of two years. Freshman year we were always friendly with each other and would sometimes hang out in groups. Most time spent one-on-one in our freshman year was when she would come home from work in the basement of the library and stop by my door to chat as I usually left my room door open in the hall. Sophomore year we became much closer, we would often study together and we were just always talking about anything and everything when we were together. I got to know her really well during that year and it was at this time where I sort of knew that she was someone who was irreplaceable in my life. During our junior year, we became roommates and transitioned from friends into something more. Ultimately, it was a really scary experience for both of us. I never really thought my love story would have consequences (though, to be clear, not all of them were bad). It required a LOT of soul searching and long conversations. Even at the scariest moments though, not being together wasn’t really an option because it was what we wanted and what we knew was right for us.
When did you decide you wanted to spend your life together?
I think, for me, after we had left college and we started to have to coordinate our relationship primarily through the phone, because we were long distance, was when I started to consider that this wasn’t something that was fleeting for me. During my first year of optometry school, I remember having a phone call with Ruthanne while I was walking into my school’s main entryway and Ruthanne was talking about her long-term plans for the future. When she was telling me about her plans starting from med school through to residency, almost without thinking, I said something along the lines of “Well wherever you end up, I will follow you. I promise.” I hadn’t really thought it through, but it seemed like the natural choice, even knowing that that was 4-5 years down the line.
In 2009, at Fordham University, it was move in-day for freshman. As Ruthanne unpacked, Vicky stopped by to say hi and introduce herself since they would be living on the same floor. That year they became friends, hanging out with each other or with their group of mutual friends. Ruthanne would stop by Vicky’s room on her way home from her job at the library and they would talk; it was always a time they looked forward to. Ruthanne says, Vicky was so friendly and funny. I knew right away she had the best sense of humor and was definitely someone I wanted to be around. For Vicky, it was Ruthanne’s genuinely kind heart that stood out to her. This was true then and it is true today. She truly just cares so much for other people, Vicky says, from the person sitting on the sidewalk, to her parents, to her friends, and family.
As their college years unfolded, they became better and best friends. For $3 they could take the college van from Fordham to Lincoln Center which they did quite often. Exploring New York City together was, and still is, one of their favorite things to do. There is just something romantic and hopeful about traversing the sidewalks of New York together.
When school ended for summer breaks, and they returned home, it became increasingly difficult to say goodbye. Eventually the friendship that began so effortlessly for Ruthanne and Vicky, evolved into something more, and love entered the picture.
With graduation, their lives took them down separate but similar paths. They committed to do a year with the Jesuit Volunteer Corp. Vicky went to Oregon to work with hospice care receivers and their families and Ruthanne went to Texas to work with children with special needs. This was a pivotal time for them as individuals. They realized they wanted to help, to make a difference in people’s lives. Ruthanne said the experience taught them about human dignity and respect. As a couple, their love for one another never wavered; their first and last thought of the day was always for the other.
After their year of volunteer service, there was more long-distance to deal with. Now, Ruthanne was in Washington state in medical school, and Vicky was in Boston in optometry school. They visited when they could and kept in communication every day with texting or talking, which was challenging given the time difference and hectic schedules. It was during this time when they came to the realization that what they really wanted, was to be together, however long that took. There had been a lot of soul searching, a lot of looking into the deepest parts of their hearts. And what they knew, with abiding and steadfast confidence, was that no matter how much distance separated them, they had found their home in each other’s heart.
On one of their daily long-distance conversations, Vicky remembers Ruthanne talking about the longer-term plans regarding where she might be doing her residency. Almost without thinking Vicky said, Well, wherever you end up, I will follow you. I promise.
…….
When Vicky finished her optometry residency in 2019, she and Ruthanne said goodbye to long-distance and hello to finally, finally being together! They love building a life together, which includes their deeply adored cats, Sonny and Tuna. Sonny is the 100% good and angelic feline, and Tuna is 100% not! Together Sonny and Tuna generously share their home and sometimes their couch with Ruthanne and Vicky.
……..
In February of last year, just before things shut down, Vicky and Ruthanne took a real vacation to Los Angeles, staying in Manhattan Beach. One evening, early into their trip, Vicky suggested they take a walk on the beach at sunset to take some photos. It was a great idea, Ruthanne said, but wondered why Vicky seemed a little nervous. Sitting together on Lifeguard stand #42, with the Pacific Ocean and their lives stretching out before them, Vicky asked a very surprised Ruthanne if she would marry her. Her first response was, Are you serious? To which Vicky assured her, yes, she was serious. And once Ruthanne could speak again, she said, Yes, yes of course! And just like that, the next chapter of their story began.
